Overdose
by Sedentary Wordsmith
Summary: If the Grim Reaper exists, then surely other mythical creatures do, as well. At least, this is L's reasoning, and he's set on finding out. Crackish one-shot.


L's eyes were wide and blank, staring unblinkingly ahead of him

I'm almost embarrassed to post this. This is the closest to crack I've ever come. I'm so sorry, L.

Oh, and mega-kudos to anyone who finds my little LOTR tribute hidden within. I doubt anyone will, though. You'd have to be as big a Tolkienite geek as I am.

If you enjoy this, be sure to check out silentreaper's "Overdose" on DeviantArt. It has much the same idea as this, and admittedly came before this, but this was not inspired by that. It was actually inspired by a conversation with Esme Phantom, so hugs to her. (Although the title _is_ stolen from the comic. I'm sorry, it was the best and only I could come up with. Big fan, silentreaper, big fan!)

oOoOoOo

L's eyes were wide and blank, staring unblinkingly ahead of him. His hands rested on his knees, and in front of him sat a cup of cold, untouched coffee. Outside, he was as unmoving as a statue. Inside, his mind was working furiously, trying to wrap itself around this new information.

Shinigami were real.

He had heard many stories about shinigami growing up—how they carried around huge scythes and only came to earth to steal the souls of humans—but had always believed they were just that: stories.

Now, in the middle of the most difficult case of his career, he found out that the hideous demons were more than just the stuff of fairy tales and nightmares. This opened up countless twists and possibilities for the Kira case, but for L, there was only one question dominating his mind.

If shinigami were real, what other mythical creatures were?

Unconsciously, L's hand reached for the bowl of sugar cubes to his right and started dropping them one by one into his coffee. Some remote part of his brain began counting them, as his eyes remained unfocused and staring straight ahead.

_One…two…three…four…_

Were fairies real as well? What about unicorns? Or mermaids? Dragons? L had always secretly fancies the idea of giant, flying, fire-breathing snakes. He would be delighted to find they were real as well.

…_eight…nine…eleven…_

What about Santa Clause? …No, that was just ridiculous. The idea of a single fat man in a flying sleigh delivering all those presents all over the world in one night was just silly. Leprechauns, on the other hand…

…_fourteen…sixteen…_

Gremlins and goblins? They seemed close enough to what shinigami actually looked like to have a chance of existing.

…_thirty-eight…forty-two…seventeen…_

Then, of course, there were centaurs, minotaurs, sphinxes, trolls, ogres, elves, cyclopses, three-headed monsters… If shinigami existed, why couldn't they, too?

…_forty-two…twelve…two thousand, nine hundred, thirty-one…?_

Mechanically, L reached for his coffee cup, now overflowing with sugar cubes. He sipped at it through the cubes, still unblinking and staring through it, and ate the cubes that fell into his mouth.

And surely if shinigami existed, then the Grim Reaper did, as well. But then again, shinigami and the Grim Reaper were basically the same thing, only represented in different cultures, weren't they? He needed brain food for this…

He set his cup of sugar down to take a plate of cake from the cart to his right, scraping off the sugary icing and licking it from his fork.

Added to the list with Santa Clause were the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Cupid. Those were just Hallmark characters, created to make an extra buck by greedy corporations on holidays…and loose teeth…

The other mythical creatures, however…

L was distracted from his train of thought by something shiny in the corner of his vision. He turned his head to look, but it was gone. His hand moved another bite of cake into his mouth.

There! There it was again, at the top of his vision. Tiny spots of light, gently floating down. They glowed orange with a warmth that made him want to touch them. Slowly, he raised his hand to do so, but before his fingers could make contact, they scattered.

He thought he heard faint laughter. L knew immediately what the spots of dancing light were. Fairies!

"Nobody move!" he shouted. Everyone in the investigation room jumped at his sudden voice, freezing and looking over at him with wide eyes.

"…What is it, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asked in a strangled whisper.

"Shh!" L hushed him harshly. He sat leaning forward with his hands on the armrests of his chair, looking ready to spring forward at any moment. His eyes were wider than normal as his head jerked side to side, searching.

Several moments of silence passed before anyone dared move again. "Um, Ryuzaki?" Matsuda questioned nervously. "L? What are we—"

"There they are!" L hissed excitedly. The fairies had returned, this time as slightly larger balls of yellow fuzzy light. When he poked one, it didn't disappear. L had a sudden thought_. 'I wonder what fairies taste like?' _He lifted his fork.

Light watched with wide eyes as L poked his fork around in the air before bringing it to his lips, smacking on it and humming to himself in thought. "Cranberries?"

_'…I'm chained to a crazy person!'_

"What is he doing?" Aizawa whispered to Mogi. The larger man shrugged helplessly.

"I think something is wrong. Somebody do something!" Ide hissed.

"Aizawa! Call Watari!" Soichiro commanded quietly.

Aizawa glanced to his left and saw the communicator monitor just a few feet away. He slowly edged toward it, keeping an eye on L, and pressed the button for Watari.

A moment later, a black "W" appeared on screen, accompanied by an old man's voice. "Yes?"

"Watari, we think there's something wrong with Ryuzaki," Aizawa whispered. "He's acting very strangely."

"Oh? What is he doing?"

"He told everyone not to move, then he…well, he seems to be hallucinating."

"I see. What was he doing before that?"

"I don't know. Just sitting there, I think. He wasn't doing anything."

"Is he saying anything now?"

Aizawa looked over at L, who was clutching air between his thumb and forefinger and sniffing at it. He seemed to be mumbling something, but…"Yes, but I can't understand it. It sounds like…Russian?"

"Is there any sugar around him?"

Aizawa thought this was an odd question, considering whom they were talking about, but checked anyway. "Yes, lots. He was eating a slice of cake and emptied an entire bowl of sugar cubes into his coffee."

"I see."

"Watari? What happened to him? What are you going to do?"

"There's no need to worry. Everything is fine. I'll be there in just a minute."

oOoOo

Only a minute or two later, the door to the investigation room slid open, revealing Watari standing tall behind it. Without hesitation, he marched straight up to L.

The detective was now clasping his hands together in the air as if catching something and slowly peeking inside them, only to be disappointed and try again. Light, only able to get four feet away from him, looked horrified.

"Ryuzaki," Watari called gently. L lowered his hands and looked over to him with wide eyes. "Does Ryuzaki want a cookie?" L nodded eagerly. "Good…Open wide, Ryuzaki!" L obediently opened his mouth. In a flash, Watari had pulled a celery stick from behind his back and shoved it into L's mouth.

L choked and coughed and sputtered for a minute before giving Watari a vile look and moodily returning to his computer. It took him a moment to notice everyone's wide-eyed stares. "…What? What is everyone looking at? I simply do not like vegetables. It is nothing to be stupefied at. Now, if everyone would return to work, please." He swung around in his chair and began typing away on his computer as though nothing had happened.

Everyone gathered around Watari near the door, their questioning glances speaking for them. Light strained to hear from his position. "It happens sometimes when he's especially stressed, or when he hasn't slept much lately and had too much sugar."

"Too much sugar…?" Matsuda repeated, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Yes. Fortunately, a little proper nutrition easily solves this situation." Watari's kind, wrinkly old face suddenly became menacing as his voice took on a threatening tone. "But none of you will ever speak of this again, will you?"

Shocked at the sudden change, all the members of the investigation team hastily nodded. Watari smiled. "Good. I would hate to see what would happen if Ryuzaki were to find out about this." He left.

Shaken, the men slowly returned to what they had been doing before the little episode.

Standing unobserved in a corner of the room, Rem watched everything silently. Ryuk was right about one thing, at least: Humans were certainly interesting.


End file.
